A Birthday Without Mom!

I turned 47, and it was my first birthday without my mother! I was up till midnight on my birthday eve, watching videos of my mother, and remembering her fondly. I got up in the morning with a sense of great void. My mother's phone call used to be the first call I got every birthday, but that wasn't going to happen this year. I thought of her through the day and the day was not a festive occasion for me. I am grateful to my many friends, ex colleagues, former classmates and family members who took the trouble to call or write in to wish me. One of my close friends dropped in too, though I was not having a get together this year. I'm also grateful to my sisters, my brother in law and my two elderly aunts who came to meet me and spent time with me on the occasion. My wife made my favourite breakfast, consisting of Maggi noodles, with egg and cheese. And my five and a half year old son gladdened my heart no end by making a card for me with a picture of a flower and a message that said "For Papa. From Rehaan". Yes, I'm grateful to all the people who care, and who tried to make me feel special, but my mother's absence was a void that was impossible to fill.

Ever since my childhood, birthdays were a special occasion in my family, thanks largely to my mother, and assisted ably by my father and two elder sisters. I would be overwhelmed with an abundance of gifts, painstakingly and beautifully gift wrapped, and everything was allowed on that day! It was no wonder that my birthday countdown would commence weeks in advance. Every year, I would have a birthday get together, with family and friends over. When the group size became too large, I would split up the groups, and have 2 or sometimes even 3 get togethers. My mother was usually the pivotal point in all these, and she played the role of gracious hostess to perfection. On my 16th birthday, when I was in Vienna, I wanted to have a birthday party for 55 of my school friends. That was quite a number, and I also wanted to have a dance party at home. My father, very proper as he always was, expressed his concern to my mother and said "This is the residence of the Indian Ambassador. How can we have a dance party here?". My mother said "Yes, but this is also our home, and home to our children". The party took place, and was a big success, thanks to my mother's meticulous planning and warm, hospitable ways.

The gifts, the get togethers, the sensation of being made to feel special continued right till last year. Even at the age of 83, and not in the best of health for the previous couple of years, my mother had us over for a family lunch, and she gave me a very generous gift and a heart warming card expressing her love, blessings and best wishes. Every time I see any of her birthday cards to me, I get tears in my eyes because I know no one can ever love me and care for me the way she did, and she expressed that so beautifully in her own words as only she could. After my father passed away in 2013, she would always sign off her annual birthday cards with "Love Ma Pa", which always brought a lump to my throat.

The day was not complete without her, but I do hope she is looking down and seeing the love, respect and gratitude with which I think of her every day of my life, and more so on occasions like this when her absence is felt even more! And a big thank you to my family members and friends who thought of me and tried to make me feel special.

My mother in 2017